Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The facebook giveth, the facebook taketh away

During maternity leave and those dark, early days of motherhood, the internet was the only thing that kept me semi-tethered to my previous life. The life in which I didn't make enough time for friends or anything else (I'm not sure what the hell I was doing).  Post-child, the jokes on mom because whereas before you chose to do stupid things with your time, now, there's no choice at all: kid rules, bedtime comes at 9pm, after-work hours are mostly grueling and unenjoyable and you get to continue neglecting friends. Except friends with kids who you see infrequently but slightly more than your other friends, and congrats, you're a stereotype.

Facebook is a silly and shallow but still slightly useful way to keep tabs on people and remain "present" in their lives. Or in a virtual world.

Except for the connection it gives, it also provides ample heartache.
When you were in elementary school, did your parents uphold the rule that to pass out party invitations at school you had to invite the whole class? Or at least all of your gender?  Mine did. Otherwise, you were going to needless hurt the feelings of those kids who weren't invited.

Facebook's the classroom now and every day, it seems, especially at this time of year, there's talk of parties and Secret Santa exchanges and all sorts of merriment to which I wasn't invited. That's fine, of course. I'm really not aiming to sound like a poopy pants about these things.  I mean, they know I can't likely do anything on a week night, right? So why bother.

Except, I guess I wish I were asked.  There's another new mom who is much better at this new mom thing than I am and she was there. So maybe just invite me and know I can't come and know you get to save on extra party supplies and food and everyone goes about their day?

Parenthood is so isolating.  Thank god for the other new parents we have around us that we see comparatively often. I still miss my other friends, though. Even when I told one, hey, I feel really isolated, during those early months . . . not much happened as a result of that statement/plea.

So my point is this: stop posting shit on facebook without thinking first. Don't post on my wall that you had a great time at something I hosted to which my entire network was not invited. And don't post to each other's walls about fabulous stuff to which your other friends weren't invited.  Go back to elementary school and brush up on your manners.  Help save someone from hurt feelings this holiday - and birthday - season.

This post has been my version of the passive aggressive facebook status update.  I hope you enjoyed it. 

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