Friday, December 31, 2010

Nothing Changes On New Year's Day

I like that New Year's Eve is a Friday.  It's a nice finish to the work week. Then again, it means Monday is Mondayier than most.  That's okay. It happens.

What do I want out of 2011? What am I looking forward to - in the literal sense, not always the excited sense?

  • Reclaiming my body: it's likely that at some point in the coming year, my child will be weaned. Passive voice is intentional here.  I don't know if I will wean her or if she will wean herself or some combination of the two efforts.  Pumping will go down considerably after her first birthday and where we go from there is anybody's guess.  But I don't recognize myself anymore.  My mother's gentle reminders about what's going on corporeally here are clearing the fog from the mirror.  I have a real problem with food right now. I know that.  I don't like being back in this place.  But as much as I am full of hate and woe for my body right now, the switch hasn't been flicked yet and I'm not really in it to lose it yet.  It's almost harder knowing I can do it than if I'd never lost weight before.  One thing is for sure, however: regardless of what success is achieved, I'm giving myself about 8 weeks to cut the crap talk and body obsessing because every day my little girl understands a little bit more and I just don't want her saddled with this. I want her to see and hear and have a healthy mom who focuses on anything aside from her reflection.
  • Filling my daughter's life with art: She'll be into more crafty things soon. I want color and texture and culture in her life.  I want her to love the Crocker and discover something new every time we visit.  I know she might be impatient when her parents stop to read the signs but I also know that someday, she'll stop to read them too.
  • Change the burs in the daily grinder. It's time.
  • Reclaim friendships.
  • Continue friendships.
  • Travel without fear.
  • Cast off and lighten up.

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