Going Back To The Start

I returned the hospital rental pump today. Part of stepping down the daytime pumping schedule.  I didn't make it to the Lactation Station at lunchtime but I remembered on the way home that the nurses station in the maternity ward will accept rental returns after hours.  And I can't say I didn't welcome the chance to venture into the hospital again.   Weird, huh.

A few things running through my mind lately - mostly around the theme "things about which I've changed my mind since having a kid myself."

Like baby showers for the second baby. Why wouldn't you celebrate the second baby? I wanted to do something for my niece but was told there was no second shower really.  And I accepted that as the proper thing and thought another friend odd for having a second shower.  But having a kid, I now think OF COURSE you should have a second shower.  First, poor second kid shouldn't get short changed.  Second, you don't even really know what you're celebrating the first time around.  I imagine that the second time you're really relishing the calm before the storm.  So the moral of the story is: more parties please!

Next: today was my first physical with my regular doctor since before the pregnancy.  I really like my GP. Except he's basically my age which is just sort of weird. But I do like him, he laughs at my lame jokes.  It felt strange to be at a non-special appointment.  And one that was 100% about me and not about me-and-someone-inside-me.  I guess I sort of miss that level of attention.  The closer I get to Fidg's first birthday, the more I want a do-over. (No, not a second baby, a chance to be more present for the first one's birth. Or something like that.)

Lastly, the nurses station at Sutter is right across from the nursery.  These days, there aren't babies in the nursery very often since most room-in with mom.  But there were two little baby burritos by the window this evening, so I had to stop to coo.  So small! So snug in their little footprint blankets in their little plastic bucket beds.  Was Fidg ever so small? I know she was. Smaller probably - seems like most babies are 8-9 pounders these days.

For a moment I wondered what it would be like to start again with a new little burrito.  No, there was no clutching my ovaries in urgent desire.  I've never been that person.  And though I left the hospital a little wistful for days that probably won't come again, I still left it able to make statements like "probably won't come again."