|The Fidg pours some out for the homies|
I'm looking at 11 months like I look at Thursdays. Thursday is my favorite day of the week. It's all potential energy - the promise of the weekend, the supreme happiness of Friday. By the time Saturday arrives, the weekend may as well be over, but Thursday? Thursday is a tree surrounded by brightly wrapped presents. It's waiting to see what's behind door number 3, whether your bid was closest without going over, it is anticipation at its best.
Fidg has but the shortest month of the year between now and her first birthday. The annual kind, not the monthly kind. And the first birthday will be a rush of effort to mark the event - stress and hurry and probably less time to be retrospective than this Thursday Birthday might allow.
Though I've been sure you, the Fidg, have been about to walk for months now, you still prefer to sprint-crawl across the TV room floor or wherever you can. You took one, maybe two, tentative steps at your Aunt Jacqui's house on January 15 or 16, but you haven't replicated it with any confidence so I haven't written it in your baby book yet.
We're pretty sure your first word is "cat," however. You get the "ka" part out pretty clearly and link it with the actually kitty cats. Daddy is sort of there, but seems to have fallen out of favor, exchanged for cat. Mommy, the word, makes you go "mm, mmmm" and smack your lips - I think "Mommy" means "milk" to you.
I've been thinking a lot about your birth lately. What it meant. How I feel about it. How I felt about it. The impact it has had and will have on my life.
Every time you smile now - which is a lot - I think about how hard we tried to get you to smile for the first 4 months or so of your life. I remember your daddy waking me up one morning when I was getting a rare few minutes of actual sleep to say, "you're missing the smile show!" I didn't feel I was missing it, Bob. But now, thankfully, there are plenty of smiles. We still thrill when you laugh, however. That's the best sound ever.
You're still nursing, though the hospital pump is going back soon. Enough with the insane daily pumping schedule. I've spent $400+ on the rental since returning to work. Yikes.
Lately, I have been marveling more and more that you're nearly a toddler. You and your friends. There are lots of first birthdays coming - February, March, June, July and right through the rest of the year. All our mommy and daddy friends have made it. I'm probably not alone in thinking there were times I wasn't sure that we would.
I frequently lack the patience a mother needs. I frequently wish for moments of my old life. But I love you a little mower each day, Fidg. Thanks for sticking with me.